The Evil of Toki Knows Few Bounds

My roommate and I once
Cut icicles off of the roof of my house with a two-handed
broadsword.

Never in my life have I
What kind of question is this!? Fine...never in my life have I manually electrocuted two unicorns engaged in the act of sodomy. You could answer almost anything to this question!

When I'm nervous:
I'm silent.

My Hair

When I was 5
I fed my little girl friend a fresh, ripe cayenne pepper from a bush by telling her it was a baby carrot.

When I turn my head left
Random_Deity_01 kills a kitten.

I should be:
In charge, just picture how interesting that would be.

By this time next year:

My favorite ant is:
The trapjaw ant, they're very nifty!

I have a hard time understanding:

Religion, and the people who follow/espouse it.

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true. -Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. -Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

You know I like you if: I bother to argue with you about something.

My ideal breakfast is:
Bangers and Mash!


If you visit my home town:
If this is where I was born, you'll probably drive through it and hardly even notice there is a town there. It's about 500 people on 400 square miles.

If you spend the night at my house:
You would probably be happiest sleeping in the boat, so the crying children don't awaken you (Catalina 22).

My favorite blonde is:

My blood elf paladin.

My favorite brunette is: Zhang Ziyi


The animal I would like to see flying besides birds:
Whales! Although don't stand under them.






I shouldn't have been:
So mean to other people in high school whose flaws I probably perceived as greater than they really were (maybe).

Last night I:
Was tired and hungry from my bike ride home but played warcraft anyway.
A better name for me would be:
Θoatwarbler Ωgrove Λerioφteryx Totanrωtbearüng LCXXVII
Maybe I'll stick with just Q.

If I could have any car, it would be:
A 3 or 4 person recumbent bicycle tandem contained within the shape of a convertible, carbon fiber framed volkswagon bug.

The Power of Lemon!

Nobody ever said my posts had to make sense.

Donkey Kill Points

Sometimes it's more fun to kill off the donkeys on your own team than the dragons of the world.



Completely unrelated but also of interest for those who are followers of The Golden Compass:

Transmogrification Inc.

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Listed below are just some of the examples of what Transmogrification Inc. has been able to bring to the motion picture industry to rescue otherwise doomed titles destroyed by the diseased placement of a poxy actor that infects the entire film.


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Writer, David Berenbaum, "We had actually cast a dog for the role of the elf in the original script, it was unfortunate that our vision wasn't carried through to the actual filming. Luckily, Transmogrification Inc. was able to restore the original intent of the writers!"













Producer, Judd Apatow, "Carey was such an incredibly annoying abomination in the role, the only thing left to us to have any hope of producing a film that didn't educe vomiting in audiences was to get the help of Transmogrification Inc."









(clearly all quotes are complete fabrications, should anyone have questioned otherwise)

Smells Like Angel

So, yesterday whilst in her normal daily travels, my wife took our month old daughter with her. She encountered a stranger, who informed her that our daughter was still so recently birthed that she could, "Still smell the Angel on her!"

It's fortunate I wasn't there, I wouldn't have been able to resist saying, "Angels smell like vagina!?"

Perhaps I would have been able to resist, but having just witnessed the birth, I have to say, when a baby pops out, the materials it is covered with do not immediately remind me of Angels, unless of course Angels are actually somehow connected to birthing fluids.

Perhaps Angels only guard vaginas, protect them from danger, and cover babies with their scent when the baby emerges?

Concupiscence

A friend of ours is constantly threatening her significant other with the dire sentence of Sleeping On The Couch With The Cats. While the true horror of this may not be at first comprehended, it is indeed an unspeakable fate, as evinced by the prurient cats that dwell within their household.

And lo' on the barren surface of the shattered moon Rodephagia IV, Darth Sciurus Vulgaris met his nemesis and brother Knight Sciurus Carolinensis, whom he had betrayed on his path to the dark side.

The fighting was unspeakable, hissing blows of their sabers exchanged over and over as fizzling sparks sprayed into the soft, grey dust and tracks of their footprints bore witness to the fury of their exchange.

Finally with a sudden rush of his evil power, Vulgaris hurled Carolinensis to the ground and plunged his carmine blade through the furry chest of the warrior he had once called brother whilst squealing his exultation to the stars.