How did?

I've seen the topic of science versus religion or evolution versus creation discussed more times than I could shake a giraffe at.

So many people like to dichotomize this discussion between only two choices, when there are really so many postulated explanations that it probably would be impossible to list them all.

I've listed somewhat in order of popularity, some of the possible options proposed by other humans and have still left out a nearly countless number, almost all of which disagree with each other.

1) A great and omnipotent sky-god created everything we know in a few days, placed two people of opposite gender in a magical garden and warned them, "Whatever you do, don't be naughty!" (this works very well on teenage boys and girls placed together by themselves, naked, in a garden, try it).

2) A great and omnipotent sky-god created everything we know in a few days, but NOT YOUR sky-god number 1, and if you suggest they are the same I'll $#&^ing KILL YOu!!! At first, everything was like smoke, but that sucked, so he turned it all into what we have today and created a bunch of critters and other celestial objects to make things more interesting. Then he put the same naked coeds as sky-god from number 1, BUT DON'T SUGGEST THEY ARE THE SAME GOD OR I'LL KILL YOU! into the garden again and warned them, "Don't be naughty!"


3) A god of three aspects, the creator, the sustainer, and the destroyer has both created and is within all of his creations in the entire universe which was generated from a golden embryo or golden womb (presumably a giant one). Some also believe that this may have been accomplished through the sacrifice of the primaeval cosmic male. Perhaps it's a combination of both.




4) No observable beginning, continue examining hard evidence available, such as subatomic particles, light, galactic spin, etc, and try to form some reasonable conjectures about the perceived beginning. Life as we know it, has slowly evolved over many billions of years as demonstrated by observable and linkable fossil record where no system is irreducibly complex, including humans themselves.

5) An ultra-powerful dictator of a galactic conferederacy brought billions of his people to earth 75 million years ago in DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes, and killed them using hydrogen bombs. The essences of these spirits remain and drive humans to do everything they do today. We must purge ourselves of these vile alien spirits that drive us to do bizarre things! Oh...and psychologists need to all %&*#ing die.

6) In a universe full of chaos the earth as a female entity was given birth from the chaos, as were The Underworld, Desire, and Darkness. The female earth entity then brought forth an equal in the form of the sky to keep her company and cover her, as well as the seas. From the union of this great female and the sky creature sprung forth all the other things that have come into being.

(I love this left picture, I need to find out where it came from!)






7) A very tricky raven stole light and water from a rich man (where did he exist?) which was used to fuel the moon and stars and heavens and rivers. He then made the winds, the races, and dogs, who are humans cursed to walk on all fours.




Clearly, I have my own preferences on which explanation I'm most satisfied with, but to each's own.

---

The blue car zoomed through the neighborhood, probably faster than it needed to and nearly knocked over the "Garage Sale" sign posted by the side of the road.

"Sweet mother of buttermilk!" exclaimed Jim, "Oompa Loompas must yet again be at work distributing those "Garage Sale" signs all over town!"

"Why would you think it was Oompa Loompas?" queried Jane.

"Well, have you ever seen anyone actually out there putting out a sign? They just mysteriously appear and disappear each day, only Oompa Loompas could accomplish such a feat" explained Jim.

"Hmmm...I don't think it was Oompa Loompas, I think it was one of the people in the neighborhood, we just didn't see it happen. I've seen people posting other signs before, just not "Garage Sale" ones." postulated Jane.

"Well, if you've never seen anyone actually putting one up, you cannot prove it WASN'T Oompa Loompas, and that sign certainly didn't just spring up out of the ground on it's own! Therefore, it must have been Oompa Loompas. Besides, lot's of other people believe it was the Oompa Loompas."

"Like who?" asked Jane.

"Like Peter! He read a book once that suggested that since time before time Oompa Loompas have been stalking the earth and putting up "Garage Sale" signs to trick humans into putting out quantities of junk for other humans to paw through. He also met a man who tells such stories once a week, in the mornings, in a special building where people gather JUST to listen to Oompa Loompa stories."

"Oh." said Jane.

Illegal Immigrants

So much concern over illegal immigration and hidden tunnels in Arizona these days! We wouldn't have to worry about finding all these hidden immigration and drug trafficking tunnels if modern illegal immigrants weren't such cowards!

The Evil of Toki Knows Few Bounds

My roommate and I once
Cut icicles off of the roof of my house with a two-handed
broadsword.

Never in my life have I
What kind of question is this!? Fine...never in my life have I manually electrocuted two unicorns engaged in the act of sodomy. You could answer almost anything to this question!

When I'm nervous:
I'm silent.

My Hair

When I was 5
I fed my little girl friend a fresh, ripe cayenne pepper from a bush by telling her it was a baby carrot.

When I turn my head left
Random_Deity_01 kills a kitten.

I should be:
In charge, just picture how interesting that would be.

By this time next year:

My favorite ant is:
The trapjaw ant, they're very nifty!

I have a hard time understanding:

Religion, and the people who follow/espouse it.

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true. -Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. -Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

You know I like you if: I bother to argue with you about something.

My ideal breakfast is:
Bangers and Mash!


If you visit my home town:
If this is where I was born, you'll probably drive through it and hardly even notice there is a town there. It's about 500 people on 400 square miles.

If you spend the night at my house:
You would probably be happiest sleeping in the boat, so the crying children don't awaken you (Catalina 22).

My favorite blonde is:

My blood elf paladin.

My favorite brunette is: Zhang Ziyi


The animal I would like to see flying besides birds:
Whales! Although don't stand under them.






I shouldn't have been:
So mean to other people in high school whose flaws I probably perceived as greater than they really were (maybe).

Last night I:
Was tired and hungry from my bike ride home but played warcraft anyway.
A better name for me would be:
Θoatwarbler Ωgrove Λerioφteryx Totanrωtbearüng LCXXVII
Maybe I'll stick with just Q.

If I could have any car, it would be:
A 3 or 4 person recumbent bicycle tandem contained within the shape of a convertible, carbon fiber framed volkswagon bug.

The Power of Lemon!

Nobody ever said my posts had to make sense.

Donkey Kill Points

Sometimes it's more fun to kill off the donkeys on your own team than the dragons of the world.



Completely unrelated but also of interest for those who are followers of The Golden Compass:

Transmogrification Inc.

We here at Transmogrification Inc. offer directors and producers an unique opportunity to replace your worthless, foolish, foppish, and moronic actors frequently forced upon you in today's movie industry with a rich, full-featured, content-driven replacement that is sure to please even the most discriminating audience.

Many of the best studios are taking advantage of the technologies that Transmogrification Inc. is able to leverage to your motion picture with incredible results. Increased revenues, superior critics' ratings, enhanced audience approval scores, and the pride of turning a would-be flop into a blockbuster.

Listed below are just some of the examples of what Transmogrification Inc. has been able to bring to the motion picture industry to rescue otherwise doomed titles destroyed by the diseased placement of a poxy actor that infects the entire film.


Director, Brett Ratner, "We found the canine sidekick of Jackie Chan was more believable during most of the martial arts sequences, and after seeing him substituted in, we just decided to use him throughout the film."






Writer, David Berenbaum, "We had actually cast a dog for the role of the elf in the original script, it was unfortunate that our vision wasn't carried through to the actual filming. Luckily, Transmogrification Inc. was able to restore the original intent of the writers!"













Producer, Judd Apatow, "Carey was such an incredibly annoying abomination in the role, the only thing left to us to have any hope of producing a film that didn't educe vomiting in audiences was to get the help of Transmogrification Inc."









(clearly all quotes are complete fabrications, should anyone have questioned otherwise)

Smells Like Angel

So, yesterday whilst in her normal daily travels, my wife took our month old daughter with her. She encountered a stranger, who informed her that our daughter was still so recently birthed that she could, "Still smell the Angel on her!"

It's fortunate I wasn't there, I wouldn't have been able to resist saying, "Angels smell like vagina!?"

Perhaps I would have been able to resist, but having just witnessed the birth, I have to say, when a baby pops out, the materials it is covered with do not immediately remind me of Angels, unless of course Angels are actually somehow connected to birthing fluids.

Perhaps Angels only guard vaginas, protect them from danger, and cover babies with their scent when the baby emerges?

Concupiscence

A friend of ours is constantly threatening her significant other with the dire sentence of Sleeping On The Couch With The Cats. While the true horror of this may not be at first comprehended, it is indeed an unspeakable fate, as evinced by the prurient cats that dwell within their household.

And lo' on the barren surface of the shattered moon Rodephagia IV, Darth Sciurus Vulgaris met his nemesis and brother Knight Sciurus Carolinensis, whom he had betrayed on his path to the dark side.

The fighting was unspeakable, hissing blows of their sabers exchanged over and over as fizzling sparks sprayed into the soft, grey dust and tracks of their footprints bore witness to the fury of their exchange.

Finally with a sudden rush of his evil power, Vulgaris hurled Carolinensis to the ground and plunged his carmine blade through the furry chest of the warrior he had once called brother whilst squealing his exultation to the stars.