Transmogrification Inc.

We here at Transmogrification Inc. offer directors and producers an unique opportunity to replace your worthless, foolish, foppish, and moronic actors frequently forced upon you in today's movie industry with a rich, full-featured, content-driven replacement that is sure to please even the most discriminating audience.

Many of the best studios are taking advantage of the technologies that Transmogrification Inc. is able to leverage to your motion picture with incredible results. Increased revenues, superior critics' ratings, enhanced audience approval scores, and the pride of turning a would-be flop into a blockbuster.

Listed below are just some of the examples of what Transmogrification Inc. has been able to bring to the motion picture industry to rescue otherwise doomed titles destroyed by the diseased placement of a poxy actor that infects the entire film.


Director, Brett Ratner, "We found the canine sidekick of Jackie Chan was more believable during most of the martial arts sequences, and after seeing him substituted in, we just decided to use him throughout the film."






Writer, David Berenbaum, "We had actually cast a dog for the role of the elf in the original script, it was unfortunate that our vision wasn't carried through to the actual filming. Luckily, Transmogrification Inc. was able to restore the original intent of the writers!"













Producer, Judd Apatow, "Carey was such an incredibly annoying abomination in the role, the only thing left to us to have any hope of producing a film that didn't educe vomiting in audiences was to get the help of Transmogrification Inc."









(clearly all quotes are complete fabrications, should anyone have questioned otherwise)

Smells Like Angel

So, yesterday whilst in her normal daily travels, my wife took our month old daughter with her. She encountered a stranger, who informed her that our daughter was still so recently birthed that she could, "Still smell the Angel on her!"

It's fortunate I wasn't there, I wouldn't have been able to resist saying, "Angels smell like vagina!?"

Perhaps I would have been able to resist, but having just witnessed the birth, I have to say, when a baby pops out, the materials it is covered with do not immediately remind me of Angels, unless of course Angels are actually somehow connected to birthing fluids.

Perhaps Angels only guard vaginas, protect them from danger, and cover babies with their scent when the baby emerges?

Concupiscence

A friend of ours is constantly threatening her significant other with the dire sentence of Sleeping On The Couch With The Cats. While the true horror of this may not be at first comprehended, it is indeed an unspeakable fate, as evinced by the prurient cats that dwell within their household.

And lo' on the barren surface of the shattered moon Rodephagia IV, Darth Sciurus Vulgaris met his nemesis and brother Knight Sciurus Carolinensis, whom he had betrayed on his path to the dark side.

The fighting was unspeakable, hissing blows of their sabers exchanged over and over as fizzling sparks sprayed into the soft, grey dust and tracks of their footprints bore witness to the fury of their exchange.

Finally with a sudden rush of his evil power, Vulgaris hurled Carolinensis to the ground and plunged his carmine blade through the furry chest of the warrior he had once called brother whilst squealing his exultation to the stars.