Quotes of the Bizarre

I don't want to precede these quotes with too much explanation, as it takes away from their power of bizarreness. All I will say is that none of them actually meant what they seem to mean when taken out of context like this. These all come from a coworker speaking without thinking of the double entendre present in his statements about our work.

♠ I'm going to stretch a bit, then we'll change genders.


♣ This stripper is really aggravating me.



♦ These females aren't working right, they aren't accommodating enough.


♥ I don't like fancy strippers, I prefer the old fashioned kind.

♀ We need to get these five females taken care of first.




♂ No, this isn't right, someone used a male here instead of a female.

☺ Thankfully, this is the last female, I need to get up and stretch.

☻ I've accidentally made it halfway through some females before.

۞ Do not slit nipples, use lubricant.


∩ Look at this thing and flip up the female, when you mate them up, they go like this.

► Should I make sure you have a female body before I go?

◄ If you look at a female, it would be the backside of a male right?



▼ You're about to lose your strippers!

♪ I brought these because they take the lube off.

▲ The way they did it was...they put a nipple through the wall.

┼ I'm going to walk over and get the females we need. I need two...

♫ I stripped down Susie yesterday.

People say the strangest things.











P.S. It can be hard to tell on the small pictures, but I did mosaic out nipples to protect the innocent! Honest. Although I of course had to look at them closely during this process.

Hello Kitty Online

I am completely unable to fathom why anyone would want to play this game.

Hello Kitty Online

However, I have been informed by a friend that it in fact has a broad appeal, even among older women.

The average MMO has a demographic that includes 50% males playing male characters, 35% males playing female characters, and 15% females playing female characters, and some insignificant percentage of females playing male characters (apparently it is a gross betrayal of their gender to play an in-game character of the opposite gender *shrug*).

Hello Kitty Online, however, stands at the ready to break this mold with a demographic apparently including 60% adolescent girls playing female characters, 35% older women playing adolescent female characters, and 5% male pedophiles playing adolescent female or male characters. I can't even imagine the horror of voice-chat in such a game, an armada of giggling teenage girls, giggle women pretending to be girls, and giggling pedophiles claiming their microphone doesn't work...

Incidentally, the friend I have who will be playing this game is neither a pedophile (that I know of, although she does look at photos of her husband when he was REALLY young *muses*), nor a adolescent girl.

All of this being said, I hope the fans of Hello Kitty Online who have been waiting impatiently for its release have a delightful time playing the game and that it measures up to all of their expectations.

I think I'll wait for Warhammer Online.

Hopefully she'll still speak to me after this post.

The Merry Marmot Festival

Someone I know is going to the Merry Marmot Festival (don't ask me what this is, I don't know), but it inspired me to put this on his cubicle until his return.

A friend of mine had never seen the Anabuki.co.jp commercial. Thusly, I'm including that here for those of you who have missed out on this treasure of japanese culture. This may or may not be related to the Merry Marmot festival, since I don't know what makes the marmots merry or how they behave at the festival, perhaps they have enlarged genitals and dance?

No Improvement Possible

I submit the following link without any additional frippery or mocking required. These products speak for themselves I think.

Lookin Good for Jesus

I need some Jesus Sparkle Cream.

Anypoems

Likely you have all heard this poem before. I recalled it recently when someone asked me a question and I quoted a line of it resulting in a blank stare from the recipient of my declamation.

Searching for the poem online I discovered that there were several versions of this poem, and I also found another very like it.


The only way I felt these classic poems could be improved in this day and age was to festoon them with tasteless animated graphics and spice them up with color!

Most people seem to agree that Charles Osgood was the progenitor of this poem about four people, Anybody, Everybody, Somebody and Nobody.

There was a most important job that needed to be done,
And no reason not to do it, there was absolutely none.
But in vital matters such as this, the thing you have to ask
Is who exactly will it be who'll carry out the task?

Anybody could have told you that everybody knew
That this was something somebody would surely have to do.
Nobody was unwilling; anybody had the ability.
But nobody believed that it was their responsibility.

It seemed to be a job that anybody could have done,
If anybody thought he was supposed to be the one.
But since everybody recognised that anybody could,
Everybody took for granted that somebody would.

But nobody told anybody that we are aware of,
That he would be in charge of seeing it was taken care of.
And nobody took it on himself to follow through,
And do what everybody thought that somebody would do.

When what everybody needed so did not get done at all,
Everybody was complaining that somebody dropped the ball.
Anybody then could see it was an awful crying shame,
And everybody looked around for somebody to blame.

Somebody should have done the job
And Everybody should have,
But in the end Nobody did
What Anybody could have.

The other one I recalled while searching for the above gem was this one by Edward Estlin Cummings.

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her



someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

Women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

Ethics

Some of you have probably seen questions similar to these before, they're not an uncommon field in psychology, but still a curiousity. Likely some of the few people who come to this site will never come again after this list of questions.

Question 1
A. You and a team of five other laborers are doing maintenance work on an old, narrow subway track junction. You are teamed up with Fat Bob down tunnel number 1, working on the magneto-electric switch mechanism that toggles incoming trains between the tracks. The other workers are in tunnel number 2.

Although the track is supposed to be shut down you look up and see a bright light accompanied by the rumbling sound of an approaching train.

Currently, the tracks are switched to send the train down tunnel number 2, which will kill the other four laborers (the track is too narrow for them to evade the train).

You can toggle the lever and switch the train to track number 1, however, the tunnel is narrow enough it will almost certainly kill Fat Bob as he won't be able to hug the wall like you can to survive.

Do you flip the lever?

B. If you decided to flip the lever, you have discovered that the lever doesn't work. However, you know the tracks are switched by a connecting electric current between them, and if you push Fat Bob (who is paralyzed with fear currently) onto the track, he will bridge the circuit and toggle the track over to tunnel 1. Of course, if he isn't killed by the electric current, the subway will surely get him, but the other laborers would be saved.

Do you push Fat Bob onto the track?

C. There isn't enough room for you to squeeze against the wall and survive, switching the train will kill both you and Fat Bob.

Would you switch the train to save four others?

D. The group of 4 laborers who are down Tunnel 2 are all violent, degenerate criminals, you and Fat Bob are here supervising their work and keeping track of the chain-gang.

Would this change any of your decisions?


Question 2
A. Jill is a college senior who decides she wants to take a trip to Amsterdam for Spring Break to meet up with her one-year older brother Bob (not Fat Bob) whom she hasn't seen since she was 12.

They visit together and have a great time catching up on everything that has happened to both of them in the intervening 10 years.

When it's time to call it a night Jill asks Bob if he wants to come up to her Hotel room instead of heading home across town; Bob accepts.

Jill and Bob decide they want to have sex, Jill is on birth control, but just to be safe, Bob also uses a condom.

Is this wrong? Why?

B. You are Jill's friend from college and are taking the trip to Amsterdam with her. You sit through the dinner at the restaurant, which is strangely uncomfortable, and towards the end you hear Jill and Bob discussing what sounds like plans for a sexual tryst.

What do you do about it? If anything?

Question 2.5
A. Jill and Bob are a happily married couple with a healthy 5 year old son. You are Jill's friend back from her college days and you still visit every couple of months. While preparing a present for Jill's mother (you work in the genealogy field) you have discovered that Jill and Bob, unbeknownst to them, are brother and sister, separated at birth.

What do you do?

B. Jill and Bob have no children, Jill had to have a hysterectomy just after high school and can never have children. You make the same discovery as scenario 2.5-A.

What do you do?


Question 3
A. The Munji family lives in somewhat rural Nebraska, and has a fine, large, healthy dog named Biscuit. There are two sons and a daughter in the family, ages 12, 10, and 8 years old. The family isn't wealthy, but they do have a somewhat prosperous small farm that they operate together and they don't really ever have to do without.

One day Biscuit offends the farm's bull overmuch and is kicked in the head and killed.

The family is very saddened by the loss of Biscuit.

Is it okay for them to safely prepare and eat the remains of Biscuit?

B. The Munji family remains the same, except they live in a turbulent and impoverished part of Africa and frequently must go weeks at a time with little or no food. Their belief system precludes them from killing their one scrawny cow or their dog Biscuit (in their native language).

One day the cow steps on Biscuit while Biscuit is sleeping and kills Biscuit.

Is it okay for this Munji family to eat Biscuit?

C. The same Munji family as B is no longer precluded from killing their livestock by a belief system. The cow, although scrawny, still produces some milk while Biscuit doesn't really do much of anything besides provide companionship.

Should the Munji family kill and eat the cow, Biscuit, or neither?

Anyone else have any good ethical brain twisters?

How did?

I've seen the topic of science versus religion or evolution versus creation discussed more times than I could shake a giraffe at.

So many people like to dichotomize this discussion between only two choices, when there are really so many postulated explanations that it probably would be impossible to list them all.

I've listed somewhat in order of popularity, some of the possible options proposed by other humans and have still left out a nearly countless number, almost all of which disagree with each other.

1) A great and omnipotent sky-god created everything we know in a few days, placed two people of opposite gender in a magical garden and warned them, "Whatever you do, don't be naughty!" (this works very well on teenage boys and girls placed together by themselves, naked, in a garden, try it).

2) A great and omnipotent sky-god created everything we know in a few days, but NOT YOUR sky-god number 1, and if you suggest they are the same I'll $#&^ing KILL YOu!!! At first, everything was like smoke, but that sucked, so he turned it all into what we have today and created a bunch of critters and other celestial objects to make things more interesting. Then he put the same naked coeds as sky-god from number 1, BUT DON'T SUGGEST THEY ARE THE SAME GOD OR I'LL KILL YOU! into the garden again and warned them, "Don't be naughty!"


3) A god of three aspects, the creator, the sustainer, and the destroyer has both created and is within all of his creations in the entire universe which was generated from a golden embryo or golden womb (presumably a giant one). Some also believe that this may have been accomplished through the sacrifice of the primaeval cosmic male. Perhaps it's a combination of both.




4) No observable beginning, continue examining hard evidence available, such as subatomic particles, light, galactic spin, etc, and try to form some reasonable conjectures about the perceived beginning. Life as we know it, has slowly evolved over many billions of years as demonstrated by observable and linkable fossil record where no system is irreducibly complex, including humans themselves.

5) An ultra-powerful dictator of a galactic conferederacy brought billions of his people to earth 75 million years ago in DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes, and killed them using hydrogen bombs. The essences of these spirits remain and drive humans to do everything they do today. We must purge ourselves of these vile alien spirits that drive us to do bizarre things! Oh...and psychologists need to all %&*#ing die.

6) In a universe full of chaos the earth as a female entity was given birth from the chaos, as were The Underworld, Desire, and Darkness. The female earth entity then brought forth an equal in the form of the sky to keep her company and cover her, as well as the seas. From the union of this great female and the sky creature sprung forth all the other things that have come into being.

(I love this left picture, I need to find out where it came from!)






7) A very tricky raven stole light and water from a rich man (where did he exist?) which was used to fuel the moon and stars and heavens and rivers. He then made the winds, the races, and dogs, who are humans cursed to walk on all fours.




Clearly, I have my own preferences on which explanation I'm most satisfied with, but to each's own.

---

The blue car zoomed through the neighborhood, probably faster than it needed to and nearly knocked over the "Garage Sale" sign posted by the side of the road.

"Sweet mother of buttermilk!" exclaimed Jim, "Oompa Loompas must yet again be at work distributing those "Garage Sale" signs all over town!"

"Why would you think it was Oompa Loompas?" queried Jane.

"Well, have you ever seen anyone actually out there putting out a sign? They just mysteriously appear and disappear each day, only Oompa Loompas could accomplish such a feat" explained Jim.

"Hmmm...I don't think it was Oompa Loompas, I think it was one of the people in the neighborhood, we just didn't see it happen. I've seen people posting other signs before, just not "Garage Sale" ones." postulated Jane.

"Well, if you've never seen anyone actually putting one up, you cannot prove it WASN'T Oompa Loompas, and that sign certainly didn't just spring up out of the ground on it's own! Therefore, it must have been Oompa Loompas. Besides, lot's of other people believe it was the Oompa Loompas."

"Like who?" asked Jane.

"Like Peter! He read a book once that suggested that since time before time Oompa Loompas have been stalking the earth and putting up "Garage Sale" signs to trick humans into putting out quantities of junk for other humans to paw through. He also met a man who tells such stories once a week, in the mornings, in a special building where people gather JUST to listen to Oompa Loompa stories."

"Oh." said Jane.